In Simon’s Shoes

Heavy, that’s what it is, and I can actually feel it slumping down inside me. It seems bricks are piling up in my heart. One for selfishness, one for lack of devotion, another for lack of service….. Each one makes my heart weigh down even more. My pulse is quickening and it’s all from this guilt. I’m reading along in Mark just halfheartedly, barely thinking about the words. Until…..bam, there I am in the middle of the story. I found that Simon Peter’s shoes fit me pretty well, and in fact, they were just my style. Somehow my name seemed like it fit in his place. Just this afternoon I was saying vehemently, “I won’t deny you Lord! Even if everyone else does, you can count on ME! I’m a true follower.” Yet tonight picking up my Bible seemed to happen only after I couldn’t think of anything else to do, and as I read, my thoughts were on events from weeks ago. I neared verse 30 and I started thinking that this sounded quite a bit like me. But as I came to verse 37 it was just too much. The room was getting stuffy and my heart was sinking as the realization of how much like Simon I really was. Now Jesus had caught me sleeping. Here the One I had pledged my allegiance to was crying out in agony as he neared his betrayal and death, and I couldn’t manage to stay away long enough to breathe even a halfhearted prayer. The guilt of my own sinfulness has again brought me to my knees in repentance. Praise God for convicting hearts!